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On marriage and stability: WANNA BE ‘A SINGLE MOM’?

June 12, 2019 - Wednesday 5:06 AM by Jess G. Dureza

I always hear nowadays these lines:

“ I prefer to remain single.”

” I just want to be a single Mom”!

“ Better no commitments for me, but I want to have a child."

“My career takes precedence. Being married will come in the way.”

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‘CAREER WOMEN’ — Nowadays, due to the so-called “modern times," being a single parent seems to have become an available option , especially among “career women." They prefer to remain single but wish to be given the chance to have at least a child to love, own, raise, and care for.

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BEING MARRIED — Of course, there are also single parents but NOT of their own choice like those whose spouses died, or are separated or whose marriages were annulled or divorced. But definitely. marriage is an important “social good." Eventually, family breakdown poses dangers to societal

stability. Usually, parents labor and toil not only to have a better life for themselves but also to be assured and assuaged with the thought that their miserable lives will not be carried over to their own children when they are gone.

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KOREAN FATHER MOON — I have a few interesting thoughts to share which I gathered last Saturday (taking down notes) when I attended the Asian leadership conference of the United Peace Foundation (UPF) in Manila that was founded by Father Moon of Korea. Its key message is: “Marriage is key to nation building, the importance of Marriage and Family for Society."

Mrs. Ursula McLackland, secretary general of UPF Asia Pacific area and a German lady, was the speaker who pointed out that marriage is the fountain head of a better family. And a much stronger nation. She showed the advantages of Asian families where children stay on with families while in western families, adolescents start living on their own at early ages.

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SURVEY RESULTS — Interesting statistical information from survey results show:

POVERTY — Children of single parents are “poorer." Children raised by single moms are more prone to living in dire need and prone to violent crimes. Children of single parents are more prone to drugs and guns than children with both parents. Ex: survey shows that 13% of children of single parents are classified as “poor” but only 5% come from intact families. Children coming from intact families are better off in their lives.

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EDUCATION — Children with families are more likely to go to college; they are physically and emotionally healthier; less likely to use drugs while children born outside of marriage are less educated.

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GRANDPARENTS — Asians have advantages than those from the so-called west. Having both grandparents are a great advantage. Ex: Surveys show that in scholarship aptitude tests (APT) children of most Asian families get higher scores due to grandparents than westerners. In Asian culture grandparents somehow give a helping hand. Grandparents are usually there for backup — emotionally and even financially; grandparents even become “yayas” of working moms to tend to the kids. Sacrifice of parents usually stay in the hearts of children who also tend to resonate it to their own children.

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MARRIAGE AS ‘GLUE’ — Marriage is the glue that holds society together. Family is the basic building block of society. Children with parents tend to better manage relationships, especially with their siblings (brothers & sisters) who all learn how to live together as siblings, in spite of sibling differences compared to children of broken marriages or of single parents.

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PRE-MARITAL SEX — Another survey clearly showed that male teenagers (aged 12-16 ) who engage in pre-marital relations are more prone to alcohol, drugs, or school drop outs or get suspended in schools. Non-virgin females of the same age (12-16) are 10 times more prone to drugs than virgins;

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NO TO DIVORCE — Family building is nation building. The well-being of society depends on the “health” of our marriage culture.

Needless to say, marriage is an important social good; it is important for public wellbeing. It is associated with the range of economic, health, educational and safety benefits. Hence, supporting “divorce," however needed and convenient to those whose lives need it, should be,

ANATHEMA to all.

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COHABITATION — Cohabitation is NOT the same as marriage. Here’s an interesting info taken from a survey two years ago:

In the US, unmarried couples live together now number 7.5 million!! Yes, 7.5 million couples and still counting!!

So we tend to ask: Why is cohabitation now popular? Here are some probable answers. Perhaps due to:

** the so-called sexual revolution

** birth control & condoms

** avoid divorce when relationship becomes unbearable

** economical ( US divorce so expensive nowadays).

Or all of the above!!

It has been empirically established that COUPLES WHO COHABIT BEFORE MARRIAGE TEND TO BE LESS SATISFIED WITH THEIR MARRIAGE AND MORE LIKELY TO DIVORCE OR SEPARATE.

Why? Because

“ the standards for a one-night-stand is lower than those of deciding or choosing a lifetime partner for marriage."

The usual rationalization today is -

“It just happened. Hello & goodbye!”

“ Ok let’s do it, just try and enjoy, no commitment . “

But getting MARRIED is SOMETHING ELSE. It’s more complicated. It needs more deliberations than just sex.And so on and so forth.

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MORTALITY RATE — Another interesting survey data: If you are married, STAY married if you want to live longer. Because those married have mortality rate LOWER than 10% of those unmarried. Meaning the single ones live shorter lives.

MORE LESSONS:

* Asians should teach the west about love of parents

***Parental love is important to leadership

***Good leadership is parental leadership

***Fatherlessness increases teen crime as children are more prone to carry guns and deal drugs

***children raised by single moms are more living in poverty; Poverty level studies show that only 5% come from intact families while 13 % are poor if they have no father.

***There are least abused children of married biological parents while mothers with new live- in partners have “likely abused” children;

***young women from fatherless families are likely to be abused;

***Human beings are created to be married, not as single moms or single dads!

***Married couples live longer, and are happier and healthier ( and wealthier)

***having intact families fast tracks success as important as a college education. Survey shows that a high school graduate who is married is more stable in life than a college graduate who is unmarried.

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PROFILE OF MARRIED MAN —

A) He is more motivated to provide for wife & children.

B) 0n Mondays, he usually goes go to work refreshed with no “hangover” nor exhausted; (he spends weekend relaxing with family) unlike bachelors who spend weekends enjoying, drinking etc.

C) He sees the doctor sooner

D) He eats healthier

E) He has more free time

F) He has different spending and saving habits unlike bachelors.

***Surveys show that in India, married men amass more resources than bachelors. For obvious reasons!!

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FREE SEX ANYONE? — A study was made between two persons in the past : one who openly advocated for FREE SEX (Max Jukes circa 2008 ) and one who promoted responsible parenthood (Jonathan Edwards of a past era ) on the issue of “Nation’s Future Based on Family."

Max Jukes (for free sex):

  • ** 903 descendants
  • ** 310 delinquents, school dropouts and died poor
  • ** 145 confirmed drunkards
  • **  190 public prostitutes
  • ** 285 with transmissible sexual disease
  • ** 150 imprisoned
  • ** 7 convicted murderers
  • ** New York state spent 1.25 million USD

Jonathan Edwards (against free sex):

  • ** 1394 descendants
  • ** 13 college presidents
  • ** 65 college professors
  • ** 30 Judges
  • ** 100 lawyers
  • ** 60 physicians
  • ** 75 army & navy officers
  • ** 100 pastors
  • ** 60 prominent authors
  • ** 80 public servants
  • ** 3 US senators
  • ** 1 US vice president

So no need to ask whose life is better to emulate?!! (Some may tend to choose Max!!! I’m also tempted too. Lol)


 

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